Parentalia is celebrated between February 13 - 21. This Ancient Roman festival resonates with modern pagans as a way to connect with our ancestors.
During Parentalia the Ancient Romans honored their ancestors and thanked them for continued protection over their homes and families.
How Did The Ancient Romans Celebrate Parentalia?
During this time they shared stories of past family members and ancestors. They visited gravesites, bringing offerings and asking for continued protection.
Parentalia was a quiet reflective holiday. A time to remember and appreciate. Family ties were very important in Ancient Rome.
Public offices were closed and no ceremonies such as weddings were conducted. There was also an element of pacifying the deceased. They believed there were negative consequences if you forgot about your ancestors.
The holiday began on February 13, the Ides of February, with a ritual conducted by a Vestal. The rite was referred to as dies parental (ancestral days).
The last day of the festival was February 21 or the rite of Feralia. Families went to the ancient tombs with offerings of flowers, bread soaked in wine, salt, and wheat.
The tombs had garden areas to sit in and families would have a meal together with their ancestors. Some of the more elaborate tombs had dining and cooking areas to make fresh bread and pastries.
The goddess of the dead, Tacita, was also honored on this day.
On February 22 the Romans celebrated Clarista, which was a banquet to celebrate the love of families. This was a festive meal that brought extended family members together.
Violets
How Can We Connect With Our Ancestors Today?
Ancestor worship, sometimes called ancestor veneration, is quite popular with modern pagans. There are many ways we can celebrate Parentalia and make connections with the people who came before us.
Visit A Gravesite
Offerings were made at gravesites in Ancient Rome. You can visit a graveyard where your ancestors are buried and leave offerings of flower garlands and violets.
If your ancestors are in an unknown gravesite or you don’t know who they are, feel free to visit any gravesite. Some graveyards are also city gardens or places to study history.
If you live in the midwest, Spring Grove Cemetary and Arboretum in Cincinnati is a wonderful example of this.
Violets
Violets represent remembrance, protection, truth, and loyalty. They are also February’s birth flower. Decorate your table with violets to honor the ancestors.
Violets can be hard to find in winter during Parentalia but often African Violets are more common.
Violets come in a deep purple color which is appropriate for this holiday. You may also find artificial flowers at a craft store to make a garland.
Taking flowers to gravesites is a popular summer activity. You can also look into the fun practice of gardening in cemeteries.
Check out my article Grave Gardening: Back From the Dead!
Cleansing
The first day of Parentalia is a time of cleansing. You may call upon the Vestal Virgins to assist you. An offering of milk and honey to thank them is appropriate.
This is a good day to smudge your home. Place a bowl of salt and white candles on your table and altar.
“I dedicate this space to those
whose blood runs through me,
Who have adopted me,
My forefathers and mothers,
My spirit guides and guardians,
and those who have helped to
shape me into the person I am.”
Meals
During this week set a place at your table for your ancestor and give them an offering. Thank them for their love, guidance, and protection.
You may choose to honor a specific ancestor or you may leave the place open for whatever ancestor joins you.
Expressions of Gratitude
The meal is a great time to express gratitude for your ancestors. After all, without them, we wouldn’t be here! Let them know you appreciate the challenges they went through in their life and how that has helped you.
Clarista Meal
After the more somber time during Parentalia, the Clarista meal represented a loving meal for (living) family members. At this meal, the family puts aside any differences they may have and exchanges small gifts.
Photo by Thang Nguyen from Nottingham, United Kingdom. He designed this altar to honor his ancestors from Veitnam.
Altar
In Ancient Rome it was common to have a shrine to honor the gods of the household and the Lares (spirits of the ancestors).
Create an altar space for Parentalia. Offerings such as flowers, bread soaked in wine, and wheat are popular.
Statues that represented the ancestors were common. Today we often use photographs. However, you may also place objects that have meaning to your family. For instance, my family has long been in the horse business so I have a model hose on mine.
Celts used a fringed altar cloth for ancestor worship because they believe the fringe helps to connect us.
Ancestor Meditation
You can do an ancestor meditation at any time of year when you want to seek out your ancestors.
You can choose to do this inside in front of your altar or outside.
Take several deep cleansing breaths
Think about who you are and how your ancestors helped to shape you
Think about your strengths and weaknesses and how they came from your ancestors
You may wish to say your family tree out loud or focus on one person
Now quiet your mind, let the past flow around you
Be open to any who wish to join you. You may have a conversation with them or just enjoy their supportive presence.
When you are done take several deep breathes and thank the ancestors for their time
Ancestor Cloth
Using a piece of fabric make a family tree. Start with yourself and work backward as far as you can. Use this for an altar cloth or hang it on the wall.
This can be as simple or elaborate as you desire. Make the experience meaningful and think about each person as you write their name down.
Do My Ancestors Have To Be Blood Relatives?
No, your ancestors don’t have to be blood relatives. They can be any deceased person you feel a connection with.
In fact, if you are adopted or have a fractured family you may not even know your birth parents. That’s ok. You can still fully participate in ancestor worship.
Trust me, your ancestors, whether blood or adoptive, will find you.
I frequently have a woman who comes to me in dreams. Im not sure who she is or what our connection is (although I have asked). What I know is that she loves me and is looking out for me.
Archetypical ancestors are those that represent the place our ancestors come from, our homeland so to speak or your family’s clan. Welcome them in! For instance, if you are Scottish you may want to put a tartan plaid on your altar.
Interest in Genealogy
Ancestor worship and ancestor veneration may lead you to an interest in genealogy! Tracing your history back (in a muggle sort of way) can be totally captivating. I find that it also meshes well with my spiritual practices.
My son, daughter in law and I are currently tracing back the Italian side of our family. It makes a wonderful family project and we are all working on our Italian fluency as well.
Genealogy has become so easy with some of the modern internet websites. Libraries also have a wealth of information.
Author, Ame Vanorio, loves the holiday Parentalia, and communicates with her ancestors on a regular basis.
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